The One where I Finish the Tributes.

Tribute to Thanksgiving #30: "When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around." - Willie Nelson

Well, here it is. The last day of November and the final tribute to Thanksgiving. It's no surprise that I'm going to write today about the experience this past month's blogging has been and how it has blessed my life.

Approval is a powerful thing. Feeling like an influence of some kind is a powerful thing. Sticking out, feeling important, being well-liked... all powerful forces in human make-up. Sometimes, we even thrive on these things. I would be lying if I told you that I didn't care whether people read my blog or not. If I really didn't care, I wouldn't make it public. It would be merely a journal of my personal thoughts for my eyes only. But I put it out there on purpose...

It's not just for me.

There. I said it.

Does it release some pent-up feelings? Yes. Does it allow me to improve on my writing? Yes. Does it take up some time during the day? Yes. All these things and SO MUCH more? Yes.

But this is the truth. I know that I am viewed sometimes as a snarky person... sometimes catty, cold, bitchy. I know that I sometimes come across that way. These posts, though, from the very beginning - while they have absolutely helped me - are so that people can better understand me. If they want to, of course. I'm not going to force anyone to read this. I want people to understand that sometimes that cattiness isn't cattiness, but focus. I want people to understand that sometimes the bitchiness isn't bitchiness at all, but frustration with myself. I want people to understand that sometimes the snarkiness isn't snarkiness, but misunderstanding. I want people to understand that the coldness isn't coldness at all, but the only way I might be able to hide the hurt I might be feeling.

I want people to understand, by reading this, that I am trying to be a better person everyday. I want to be held to my written word. I want to work harder because it's out in the universe for anyone and everyone to read.

That being said, these tributes over the past month have produced some expected results in my behavior, but they have also produced some unexpected reactions from some of the people reading them. People didn't comment much on the actual blog, and that was mildly discouraging at first, but then I started to feel like my words were putting me in a better mood, that showing gratitude made me love people better. Then, I received responses from loved ones all over the board - my mom, my brother, my friends, some of my teachers, from people that I never expected to actually be reading it, and, more recently, one from a complete stranger even who stumbled upon my blog because she was searching for a picture of a "chili-bowl haircut" in Google. Most of these responses occurred toward the end of this month, and most of them were private messages or emails or text messages.

It wasn't necessary for me to receive these responses, but every single one certainly touched my heart and pushed me to keep writing. Even about the little things.

I know, and I hope you know that this whole challenge this month wasn't for the purpose of acclaim. More important than these tender responses was what I felt as I finished each tribute. Each one came from the very bottom of my heart, some from so deep that, until it was written in its own little post, I didn't realize I felt so strongly about them.

It was not easy. Not even a little. It was time-consuming. But the time spent on these little pieces paled in comparison to the blessings I received because I counted my blessings. An endless cycle of gifts, blessings, treasures, cherished moments and memories. This gave me to the opportunity to realize that I've got it real good.