The One with the Funk Out of Nowhere.

A few posts ago, I shared a publicity photo of A Tale of Two Cities. I also explained in that entry that I looked like I was covered in dirt and had completely let myself go. The picture was toned-down from what you'll actually see in the show... if you come. Which you should. But regardless of if you do or don't, here's a little taste of the show. I am absolutely blown away by these pictures; all of them are courtesy of Douglas Carter/DC Snaps.
If you want to see the rest of them, you can go to this link. There are SO many, and they're all so pretty! (I'm real proud of this show; can you tell?)

I don't know why, but I'm embarrassed to actually put into physical words what I've been thinking about because it feels like there really is no justification to these feelings. And yet I can't shake them.

You have to understand, before I go into further detail, that I have spent the last six months in pure blissful happiness. Little things have happened here and there that have irked my bliss, but nothing in the last half-year has really made me fall off of the tightrope. I've felt unbelievably happy and confident; I've felt nothing holding me back. Until this past week.

We've all heard it before: when it rains, it pours.Welcome to my current, completely unjustified and completely confusing funk, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy. I talked about it a bit in my last blog... I'm afraid I may have hit the point where I've become jaded by the happiness I've felt non-stop and suddenly the tiny little hardships I'm facing are hitting me like a ton of bricks.

My confidence is suffering severely because of this funk. I suppose this isn't abnormal for me; that's usually where disaster strikes first - right at the very gut of my self-esteem. I'm allowing myself to dissect and pick apart every look, every word, and every move that the people around me make. I'm allowing my mind to talk my heart out of following through with things. I'm my own worst enemy right now; I hate feeling like I'm taking a step back. I can't let myself do that.

I believe this happiness that I have felt over the past six months has been a preview of what the rest of my life is going to be like. I know that I'm going to hit bumps... and certainly bumps that are much bigger than this one. This is a trial period (real life, too), I feel, for my future. I am going to have to learn how to deal with these little bumps right now so that I can continue to live the life I know that I want to live.

I believe that we are given challenges and trials in our lives that we must choose to pursue or just to let go of and walk away from. I know that, with hard work, I will get what I want. I know that I am the only person that can get me to where I want to go. Scary as that may be, it's also very liberating. I can't rely on anyone else to make decisions for me; I can't depend on the words - positive or negative - of the people around me to determine what I'm feeling or who I am. That's what all of this comes down to - independence.

I'm the only person that can get through this. I have to be grateful for that.