The One with the Oxygen Masks.

One of the greatest feelings in the world is grasping that positivity is becoming more and more natural for you. By weeding out the negativity in your life, as I mentioned in my first post of the year, sometimes just by choosing to not be around it, you become more of an advocate to the "when life hands you lemons, squeeze out a smile" saying. I know that some of my posts haven't demonstrated that as obviously as they "should." Honestly, though, just because I'm questioning events and situations in my life does not mean that I am not becoming more and more positive naturally on a day-to-day basis. The advances are small, but I feel them during every little scuffle through. I feel stronger everyday.

(That doesn't mean I don't hit a rut in the road by being overly sensitive to negativity or just... well, overly sensitive altogether. This has stung true today, especially, for some reason, and I'm trying to not let it affect my interactions. Basically, I know I'm not a saint; I am very, very, very aware that I make mistakes and that positivity isn't prominent every step of the way. Which is why I'm working on it.)

Now, I have been lucky enough to get what I've aimed for in recent months. The true test of my "new-found nature" will be if I aim for something and it doesn't work out. I'm not oblivious to the fact that that can happen. And it could happen soon, even. But I know that I'll come out a better person. Who could complain about that?

I'm not going to pretend that failure doesn't exist. I think that is something that people tend to do. I see it so often and have sometimes tried to talk myself into believing it. The minute I let the recognition of the existence of failure cripple my activity in a goal is when the problem truly occurs. I'm still going to aim just as high, no matter what.

A career in performance (of any kind, practically) requires a person to lead a somewhat selfish life. Think about it: you're constantly working on what you look like, what you sound like, how you're being looked at, how you're not being looked at, who you talk to, what you can do to get a leg-up, etc. That being said, I still think it is important to balance yourself in a manner that allows you to remain a human being.

A couple of posts ago, I talked about how lonely I was because I didn't have a relationship... but the more I think about it, the more I'm understanding that these conditions I am in right now - school, job, shows, auditions, etc. - all alone, are vital to me figuring out what I'm going to do with my life. I'm crazy to have thought - because I honestly did years ago - that I would've had everything figured out by now.

Rather recently, I have decided to be a little more quiet and just observe. Myself, yes. But especially the people that I come in contact with everyday. One thing has stuck out to me more than others. I strongly believe that this next part rings true to every single person.
Before take-off on most airlines, there is a demonstration of what to do in the event of an emergency when oxygen is low in the plane's cabin. Ever since I could really understand what they were saying, what struck me was the part about donning our own oxygen masks before assisting anyone else in putting on theirs. It didn't make sense to me at first, but as the years went on, I started to realize the importance in those instructions. While you selflessly help another, you could easily pass out from lack of oxygen and be of no help to anyone.

Taking care of yourself does not mean that you don’t take care of others. In my opinion, they are interlinked. When you have effectively taken care of yourself, you will be in a better position to take care of others, both mentally and physically. Society does not give much positive recognition for being self-indulgent, but being there for those we love and care for undoubtedly requires that we take excellent care of ourselves.

What I've found is that people tend to treat you as well as you treat yourself. When you value yourself, people tend to value you more. (There is, of course, a fine line between cockiness and self-respect. It is very easy, after a spell of self-hate/loathing, to overcompensate when success arrives or changes occur and tread the ugly road of an egotistical attitude.)

All of this, of course, goes hand-in-hand with the phrase, "I can't love someone else until I love myself." This is truly one of the most heart-wrenching statements ever. It's heart-wrenching because it's true. So many of us struggle with that exact situation in our lives. So, what are we doing to fix it?

We have to keep moving. We have to choose not to be stagnant.

I'm not just playing the preacher role here. I am speaking for myself as well as for those in my life that I care so deeply for. While I do feel that I have been able to jump leaps and bounds in self-respect in the last (almost) six months, I still hit a wall sometimes and have to be reminded that the wall ends somewhere and I can either walk around it or climb over it. Insecurities hold us back from fully loving ourselves and being able to love the other people in our lives. Why would we want to miss out on something like fully loving our friends and families? That is, after all, one of the most important goals for us to achieve during our time on Earth. I'm reminded of a 1940's ballad called "Nature Boy," sung by Nat King Cole. The most prominent lyrics state: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

If our hearts are closed to loving ourselves, they are closed to loving others and closed to being loved in return.