The One That's Super Cheesy.

Angela, what are your favorite foods?

All things coconut.
All things peanut butter.
All things cheese. Especially cheese.

And since I love cheese so much, I'm just going to pour some cheese all over this post. If you're annoyed with sappiness, walk away now; the ending might make you throw up.

I am captivated by the idea of the five languages of love. This topic has come up in several different conversations over the past couple of weeks especially, and I can't help but wonder why it's so prevalent right now.

(I've talked about this in a post before. If you don't know what this is or what yours is/are, go here. Read about it and take the assessment!)

The interesting thing is that sometimes the way that we give love is different from the way we want to receive love. At least for me. Which is a little hypocritical, isn't it?

Let me explain.

I prefer to receive love in this order:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Gifts

However, I prefer to give love in this order:
Gifts
Acts of Service
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation

Why is it that the one way I prefer to receive love is the most difficult for me to express or give? And why is it that the one way I prefer to give love is the one way that I care least for?

I know this, and I have been trying to be better about it in my day-to-day life. And to do so genuinely.

I am a gift-giver. I always have been. Christmas, birthdays, for any reason at all, I love to spoil the people that I love and care for. Sometimes, I even have to tell myself to take it easy, as my pocketbook won't thank me for all those gifts later. I guess I have this idea in my head that if my expression of love is materialized in a thoughtful gift, there's no question or doubt that I care for them so deeply.

In stating that, I recognize that the difficulty I have in giving Words of Affirmation comes directly from pride. Literally I just figured this out. I am afraid or too puffed up or too aloof to say, "Hey, you're one cool guy/girl." I think these things, but it takes some serious inner-monologuing for it to actually emerge through physical expression, written or spoken.

I am a very emotional person, a very expressive person. I always have been. So where did this come from?

Gifts are easy. 

Words, however, can be picked and poked and dissected and reformed and twisted and manipulated. It's happened to me. It's happened to many people. But that's a scary thought, so why not just avoid the possibility altogether?

To give a gift is an action, right? And don't actions speak louder than words?

Not necessarily. 

There is an intangible concept that can speak louder than something that can be held in one’s hand. Hearing the words, “I love you," or "You are awesome," or any form of this are so important for the development of our characters — hearing the reasons behind that love is priceless. And, therefore, a gift in and of itself. A delicate, utopian, soothing, cherished and treasured gift.

I have been sitting on that statement (in the picture above) for a long time and have never, ever found it more true for me than it is right now. 

Occasionally (and I mean very rarely, so don't anyone worry about me), it can get really lonely here. I am lucky enough to have known a couple of people before I moved, and I've latched onto them. But still, to up and leave so many people I'm closest to and to come to a city where I know almost no one is scary and a little sad. There are days when I get misty-eyed thinking about them. It's easy to get down on yourself here, too, when you get turned away from auditions or don't get a single callback, when you feel ugly because of the humidity, when you eat too many slices of cheap pizza. It's harder when you don't have your number one fans around to cheer you on. I love it here and am still ridiculously and literally thrilled EVERYDAY to be here. I can't imagine being anywhere else, nor do I want to be. BUT I miss the people who know me like the back of their hands. I know that one day I will be able to say that about some people here, but right now, dagnabbit, I miss those special people.

Since I left my family and dear, dear friends in Utah, I have ached for them over the course of the past eight weeks. "Did I take them for granted? Do they know how much I care about them? Do they CARE how much I care about them? Did I TELL them?" I've asked myself those questions over and over. Regret can be a nasty little hussy.

But I haven't died. I'm across the country loving them more than I did when I was standing right next to them, if it were possible. Missing someone is a part of loving them. I am thankful for the phone chats, the FaceTime, the texts, the emails, the expressions of love through "You can do this, Angela!"/words of affirmation.

We all need words of affirmation, really. So here goes... (Is it so weird that I'm so nervous to do this?! That's how hard it is for me.)

To my darling friends and family: I wish you could be here. I miss you horribly. I wish I could laugh with you and hug you and spend real face time with you. Thanks for being who you are. Thanks for letting me vent and complain sometimes. Thanks for being stupid with me. Thanks for letting me cry sometimes about stupid things. Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off of you. Thanks for laughing at my jokes. Thanks for being so talkative and for letting me be talkative, too. Thanks for supporting me. Thanks for being nice. Thanks for being funny. You're talented. You're pretty. You're handsome. You're beautiful. You're wonderful. You're freakin' cool. You're fun. You dress nice. You drive well. You're a great cook. You're so creative and artistic and loving and hilarious and awesome and just everything a girl could ask for in friends and family.

(I'll let you guys decide which quality belongs to which people. Ha!)

I want to be better about this. I think, really, we would all walk a little taller and love each other a little deeper if we expressed it so freely.

I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE AWESOME.

I feel better already!