I performed three nights a week for almost a month to sold-out crowds and had the time of my life. The role allowed me to be myself and sing my guts out at the same time. I couldn't complain. It was a breeze, really. Compared to what was ahead, anyway...When Hale announced their season, obviously I was over the moon about their choosing to do Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Of course, my eyes bugged right out of my head when I saw that the show immediately following Dirty Rotten was Joseph. I knew that the Hale would pull out every stop in order to put on the production; the spectacle of the show would be magnificent and, of course, Utah would swarm to the production. For whatever reason, the show is a "phenomenon" here.
I don't know when I was 100% positive I was going to audition for Joseph. I don't know when I thought to myself, "I can handle this." This being doing two shows back-to-back; to make it more clear, that meant rehearsing on the nights I wasn't performing and, on the nights I was performing, rehearsing literally minutes before I went onstage to perform. But... I talked myself into auditioning sometime during the Dirty Rotten rehearsal process and was, again, lucky enough to be cast as the Narrator.
At the beginning of Joseph rehearsals, things ran rather smoothly. I knew the music very well, and had the confidence that I could pull it off since I knew I had once before.
This time was different than last time, though; this time, I was absolutely overwhelmed. I was taking 13 credits of summer classes, working 25 hours a week, rehearsing, and performing... all while attempting to have a tiny taste of a social life. Sundays were my days off, but they ended up being strictly devoted to homework that I had gotten behind on during the week.
It got the best of me and I sort of started to feel a bit out of control... which, if anyone knows me, is not something I handle well. Instead of me running my own life, my life had started to run me. I got very sad and very lonely and very jealous and allowed myself to live in a place of self-pity for a couple of weeks. Then one day, when I was catching up with a friend in the lobby during a show, I said something that made me crawl right out of that funk.
"If I weren't in school, my life would be perfect."
You see, all my life I've enjoyed being busy. I love making plans and following through with them. I love having things to do. I love feeling productive. For the rest of my life, if I worked a day job, rehearsed and performed at night, my life would be perfect.
And I feel a bit spoiled that I get to say that. Of course things happen that upset me or make me sad. But the only thing I genuinely despise at this point is school. And it's so almost done. Maybe that's a little pathetic, but if that's the only thing that makes me feel like my life is "imperfect," I'll take it. I'll finish it. And then I'll proudly - and FINALLY - wear the achievement of a bachelor's degree in Theatre Arts on my heart.
When I said that, it allowed me to enjoy the entire run of Joseph. All 8 weeks and 43 performances of it. And when the show closed, I felt fulfilled by what I had accomplished and I felt like a better person because of the people I got to know.
I decided, after speaking that simple phrase back in July, to stop whining about how I had no time for myself and recognize that I am living a particularly exciting life and that I am, in fact, spending my time doing exactly what I want to be doing. I have ridiculously wonderful and perfect friends. I have powerful emotions and strong confidence/self-esteem. I have a solid sense of spirituality. I have the abilities and capacity to do exactly what I love to do, physically and mentally (maybe imperfectly, but that's part of what makes it so perfect - confusing enough?). I have an incredibly perfect family, the most supportive mom and dad. I am perfectly healthy. And, of course, absurdly happy.See? Perfect.
Maybe saying that makes me naive. Maybe. So what? Because if naive means happy, I'll take it.
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